Why Do You Not See?

I am changed.  I am not the same woman I was before my son died.  I am still changing.  I will not be the same woman a year from now.  Grief is a process.  A long one.  Who am I?  I can't really tell you right now.  I am waiting to see what God does with me through this tragedy.  I still make mistakes; sometimes big ones.  That is what it means to be human.  If we could be perfect, then Jesus never needed to die.  I rest in the fact that Jesus covers my mistakes; I just need to be willing to work to not make the same mistakes again.  I have also had to work very hard to try and give people the benefit of the doubt.  My natural tendency is to think that people have the worst possible reasons for doing what they do.  It was what I was taught, how I was raised.  But, you know what?  The more I work on coming up with good reasons for people's actions, the more content I am and the better my relationships become.  It is a learned skill; one I wish people in my life would work on when dealing with me.  Am I done working on this?  No, not by a long shot.  I have to stop myself and redirect my thoughts all the time.  I am hoping that someday it will come naturally but for now I refuse to let my negative thoughts win the battle.  And really, that is all that I can do right now.