I can feel it!

After a few days of wondering if I'm feeling the baby or not it is no longer in doubt.  I was half asleep this morning when someone (Jack) slammed a door.  I jumped, the baby jumped.  It's a little bittersweet.  I'm remembering all of the times I felt Nathan move and it makes me sad.  I'll never see him do something as a baby and think, "oh, that's what he was doing in there!"  I hope I get that with this baby.  I'm also scared.  I tend to get more attached when I can feel the baby move and part of me doesn't want to do that this time.  What if I lose this baby, too?  Wouldn't it be easier if I just pretended the baby wasn't there?  That mother-baby bond is just too strong, though.  I actually found myself excited and looking forward to the end of this pregnancy when I get to hold my baby and hear that precious little newborn cry.  And that scares me, too.  I'm a goner when we find out what this baby is.  We already have names picked out.  I can't help but bond with someone when I'm talking to them and using their name.  And it's not really fair to this baby if I keep my distance.  This baby deserves to be celebrated and longed for, too.  And I do long for him or her.  I feel like I have waited an eternity to have this baby.
We were happy with three kids and weren't interested in having any more.  Then God changed my heart.  I prayed for a year for Jim to want another baby, too and tried not to pester him or force him into a decision.  We then tried for 6 months before we conceived Nathan.  I carried him for 5 months and then we lost him.  Two months of trying and I was pregnant again.  So, over 2 and a half years later, we will have our precious little baby.  Much loved, much wanted, and probably much spoiled.  I can't wait to hold my sweet little baby in my arms.