I can't complain.

No, really, I can't.  I don't know if it's just me doing the judging but I kind of assume others are, too.  I know my thoughts.  I'm hot, tired, fat, sore, sleepy and it hurts to walk.  The second I think any of these things or actually have the nerve to say them the internal dialogue starts.  "Why are you complaining?  At least Henry's alive."  "Well, he's alive for now."  I can't stand the thought of going through all of this and having to lose another baby but the thought is there all the same. 
It applies to other people's complaints as well.  "My child is driving me crazy."  "Well, at least you have your child."  "I'm not getting enough sleep."  "Well, at least you didn't lose your baby."  It's not fair to others but the thought is there.  I'm getting better, though.  I am able to have sympathy for peoples' plights now.  When we first lost Nathan I just wanted people to stop complaining.  There is nothing else worth complaining about when you have lost a child.  But....I'm human and they're human and humans complain.  It's one of the ways we try to connect with other people.  We tell people our problems hoping that they have been there or they will understand.  We want to be understood and accepted.  I write this blog in the hopes that the readers will gain some insight into what losing a child feels like.  I write in the hopes that it will help them sympathize with someone going through the loss of a child.  I write because I'm human and I have a need to be understood.  But I will continue to fight for every bit of joy Henry is trying to give me.  And I will try my best to keep things in perspective and not complain.  I am truly lucky that Henry is alive and I will hang on to that as much as I can.  Every ache, pain, and tear is worth it to get to hold my baby boy in my arms and hear his first cry.