All is Well.

I spent most of the day in a panic waiting for our doctor's appointment this afternoon.  The last time we had an ultrasound it wasn't exactly good news.  It turns out that there was no need to worry.  We have one wiggly baby with a strong heartbeat who is measuring right on target.   I'm sure I can ride on this for a good day or so before I start worrying again. ( Can I use the doppler yet?!?!?)  I showed the kids the pictures and explained what we saw at the ultrasound.  Jack asked me if seeing the heartbeat meant that this baby wasn't going to die.  I explained that the odds were good that this baby would make it but that was as far as I could go with that.  We got on the wrong end of the statistic last time and I am not at all comforted by the fact that there is little chance of it happening again.  But, there is no reason to panic a 9 year old boy so I just didn't go there.  I just now told my husband that God is doing a good job directing our lives.  With the exception of Nathan's death, everything has worked out in our favor eventually.  And I have to trust that Nathan's death did serve some purpose.  But the what-ifs start creeping in.  What if God thinks I can handle more loss?  What if this baby dies, too?  How much am I supposed to take before I break?  And then I just have to pray and ask God to help me trust Him more.  And He does.