I'm torn.

If I could just get a handle on my emotions for one day that would be wonderful.  Henry made it past the 21 week mark and I am so happy that he is healthy and growing.  I have 16 weeks before he gets here and a lot to do.  The doubt starts creeping into my head, though, and I start to wonder, "why bother, you won't get to keep this one, either."  I have no reason to think anything will go wrong.  He seems fine, he moves a lot (so much that he is already waking me up in the middle of the night.)  I feel like everything will be okay.  But....we did lose Nathan and I know that nothing is guaranteed.  So I cried for a little bit over the loss of Nathan and then I got up, got online, and ordered some things for Henry.  He deserves for us to be ready for him with everything he is going to need.  It's not looking good for a baby shower and we got rid of almost everything after Katherine so we have a lot to get.  Then there is getting the house ready and having meals ready in the freezer.  And figuring out who will watch the kids and who we need to call about Henry's birth.  And planning the next year of homeschooling because there is no way I'll have time to plan that after Henry gets here.  There is so much to do.  And soon I'll be spending a lot of time in the doctor's office.  The endocrinologist wants to see me once a month from here on out.  The doctor will be seeing me every other week after the next appointment.  I will start coming in every other week and then every week for a non-stress test and a biophysical profile.  Home, I will miss you.  And, Henry, we will do everything we need to do to get ready for your much anticipated and much longed for arrival.  I can't wait to meet you.