Last night my husband and I registered for our new baby boy. It needed to be done. We have next to nothing from our previous children because we were so sure we were done. I think God is still laughing over that one. Every item scanned came with a silent question: Will our precious baby boy ever need this? Will we get to raise this baby or will God see fit to have him live in Heaven with Nathan? I pray with all my heart that the answer is yes, we get to raise him.
When I registered for Nathan, my best friend went with me and it was a time of laughter and celebration. One of the hardest parts of this church mess we are going through is the loss of that friend. She chose to believe the pastor over me. I don't fault her. 9 months ago I made the same decision when a good friend of mine was forced out of the church. I didn't want to hear it, I just wanted her to stop talking about it. I have since reconnected with that friend and I know that someday I will get my best friend back. In the meantime, it is hard. I wanted to call her when we had the ultrasound and we found out the baby is a boy. I was sad that I no longer felt like I could do that. I wanted her to come with me to register for this baby but that was no longer an option. I miss seeing her at church, talking with her over the phone, going out for a meal with her, communicating with her on facebook.... It's like another death to grieve. Just one more thing in a long list of crappy things that have happened lately.
I feel the need to repeat something I have said before: I know God knows what He is doing, I just wish He would let me see just a little of where I am going. I pray that it is going toward another child to raise, new friendships to form, and a wonderful new church for us to be a part of.
It took time for you; she will see it someday, too. :)
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